Date: Thu, 26 Oct 1995 17:26:07 -0700
From: Chris Clements <>
Subject: WFRP: Da Sneekin' Gitz

--Da' Boyz 'r Bak--

Simon watched the people trod through the town's gateway for Deckerbach's latest attraction - a carnival. Personally, the watchman was getting sick and tired of all these lowlife scum coming to his city, but the mayor wanted to bring in as much income as he could into the poor community and this was one of the many ideas that was to be tried. Sighing, Simon dutifully continued to watch as the peasants marched passed him, all the while looking for any known criminals or contraband. Inwardly the guard cursed his lot in life, nothing interesting ever happened in Deckerbach. Ever.

Just then Simon spotted a peculiar looking man walking in a bizzare round-about way. His first guess was that the man had a sipped a little to much of Rut's Tilean apple cider (with enough alcohol in it to poison a troll). However, after carefully observing the man's movements he dismissed this idea; the cider had a tendancy to make people crawl instead of walk. Perhaps he was infected with some sort of disease - that would not be good. Simon stepped towards the odd figure and motioned for him to stop.

The man did so, twisting the top portion of his body to a most unbelievable posistion while his waist remained stationary. Simon blinked, trying to persuade the image to go away. It did not. The figure was wrapped in some old wheather-beaten cloak with the hood over the form of his (?) head, with a dirty white shirt and stained brown leather pants showing occasionally through the shifting of the being. Immediately noticeable to the trained guard was a horrific odor that clung to the figure, making Simon feel dizzy and nauseous.

"What's yer business here in the good towne of Deckerbach? Come to see the carnival or just to cause trouble?" the watchman asked as the individuals legs shifted to match his upper body. Simon blinked and rubbed his eyes once again.

"'Ello der kommon humie... we'z goin' ta lookzee at de carnievaal wit' da udder humies" the deep rough voice replied. Simon prayed to all the gods he knew of (including the outlawed ones) that the voice did not belong to a female, for if it was, it would be the scariest woman he would have ever met. "Youse gonna letz uz gidd'en der? Grate murnin' aint's 'et? Luvely wetter dat we'z gotz, 'eh feller? Sumtin' smellz churmin' en da uvin. Wot's dat ryt der? Anz whut a niz trollsie slayur youse ar'" the figure continued to babble on, wringing its cloak back in forth between its arms.

At this point in the conversation, Simon began to sway. His body felt all tingly and suddenly he was unusually giddy. The bad smell went away and all that was left was the pleasant man talking to him... something about how lovely the wheather was. The watchman gave a big smile and waved the man through. He was probably with the circus anyways, one of those body contortionists or something similar.

The figure waved its hand which was wrapped in an ash covered lady's glove and held its other arm in a salute. "Tanks zogger, we'z 'preciat dis. Hav'sa turrifik lyfe, chumzie" the man said as he walked off into the awaiting city. Simon smiled widely and failed to notice the man's head turned completely around while giving his well wishes. All the guard could do was chuckle at what a pleasant day it was and try and do a little dance for the poor people coming through his gate. Maybe that would cheer them up!

The peasants stopped at the sight of the watchman, spinning himself around in circles until he fell to the ground, laughing madly all the time. Deckerbach was in for a most unusual visitor and a more interesting day of its any of its citizens would care to have.

All races in the Old World have some sort of military intelligence of one kind or another. Most use conventional means to gain access to the information they seek, logically using the most effective and tested methods of subterfuge. However, one race who spies has nothing to do with logic at all; instead they rely on crude cunning, dull wits, and a strange affinity for the zaniest of plans. The one race is (of course) the goblinoids. Enter the 'Sneekin' Gitz'.
A Sneekin' Gitz is the goblinoid answer to a spy or long range scout. This 'scout' is essential for plans of attack and defense, as well as a way to get rid of all the unliked members of the tribe for a while. The Sneekin' Gitz go through an intense five-minute training course on spying and they are forced to memorize twenty or so lines in Old Worlder which they repeat as fast as they can if they feel threatened.
What the goblinoid spies lack in intelligence they often make up for in sheer foolhardiness that borders on psychosis. Their disguises are usually full of holes that a blind person could notice, but the sheer surprise of the situation gives them a strange edge. Who would expect a goblin to walk straight into town, even masked? Add to this most Sneekin' Gitz carry with them an unusual mold called 'lafta' that (while not affecting them - much) triggers euphoria and an intoxicated like state within most other humanoids (most effectively in humans, elves, dwarves, and halflings).
The goblins disguise themselves in a variety of ways - to impersonate a human or an elf they will team up (one gobbo working the legs while the other one acts the torso, arms, and head). Sneekin' Gitz have been known to impersonate all of the following in one manner or another: humans, elves, dwarves, halflings, cows (which walk VERY strangely and you should hear the noises they make!), giants (a huge amount of goblins - the giant hops around until it falls to the ground), rocks ('aint nofin 'eer sept uz roks!'), dogs, bushes, piles of dung (which they dislike because it makes them smell 'gurlie'), horses, trees, pieces of furniture, dead animals, children (a favorite of a lot of goblins), chickens (for the small snotlings), barrels, scarecrows, pieces of art, etc. When impersonating a humanoid, they will paint their faces white and do what they can to hide the fact of who they are. Other unfortunate mimicings include a bonfire, a cannon, a wheel, cannonball (for snotlings), large weapons (for snotlings and small goblins), fish ('glub glub glub'), and a small hill (which all those involved in were killed when the large structure collapsed).

The Gitz often adopt code-names that they use while out on the field. These names are often twisted versions of an original humanoid name (Chris may become 'Krass', Garett becomes 'Gair-Ock', Oliver twists into 'Ulver', etc.). I suggest using your character's real names when coming up with code-names for the Gitz, and if you're really cruel, copy some of the individuals habits!

-Sneekin' Gitz-

  • Acting
  • art
  • blather
  • carpentry
  • concealment rural
  • concealment urban
  • disguise
  • escapology (to get out of their own disguises!)
  • follow trail
  • herb lore
  • mime
  • mimic
  • scale sheer surface
  • silent move rural
  • silent move urban
  • speak additional language
  • tailoring
  • disguise
  • hand weapon
  • d6+4 uses of the 'Lafta' mold.

'Lafta Mold'

Availability: Rare, Winter to Spring. Deep caves.
Price: 15/-
Method of Application: Inhale
Preparation: 4 weeks
Dosage: 1 round (very powerful)
Skills: None
Tests: None (must be within 4 yards)
Effects: when the mold is rubbed onto cloth it will imbed itself into the fibers of the garment. When the garment is shaken heavily it releases some of the trapped fragments which release in a four yard radius. Those within the molds effect must make a Toughness test at -10 or fall victim to uncontrollable mirth and exhibit behavior that is very similar to being intoxicated (dead drunk). These effects last for 6+d6 turns - the victims toughness.
Stat's modifiers: I -10 Dex -20 (minimum of 1) Int -20 (minimum of 5) Cl +20 Wp -10. All Fel tests used by others against the target gain a +20 modifier.

+Role-playing Ideas+

-To Fool the Fools-
A group of Sneekin' Gitz have surrounded a small village. This is probably a scouting force for an attack on the town. Luckily the characters manage to discover the goblinoid presence before the have reported back to the warlord. Can the pcs fool the Gitz into thinking that the community is much stronger than it is?

-An Ork No More-
A particulary successful orc spy, Chuksta, has come to appreciate the finer things that humanity has to offer and has decided to defect to the other side to start a 'new life' as a disguised human. He is exceptional in the fact that his disguises are actually pretty good and he was the top spy in all of his clan. The pcs could get involved just by observing this strange fellow do some very 'un-human' like things such as: swallow a drumstick whole (including the bone), ignorance of the hygenic practices ('Imz gotsta duz wat wit dis "hankie"?'), etc. Or perhaps he approaches a friendly looking pc humanoid and asks for help in intergrating within human society (he offers to give the pc the location of a treasure he hid long ago).

Other Sneekin' Gitz could search for Chuksta and report back to their camp that he has defected. This would probably cause a massive hunt for the poor orc's head, possibly causing the orcs to send in some stuntie slayerz to take care of the problem in a sneak attack.

-I am a Cow-
The Sneekin' Gitz have gotten a mutated batch of Lafta that even affects the goblinoid system, albiet much differently than other races. This causes them to actually try an adopt the identity of the thing they are impersonating to the best of their ability. Two who were disguised as a cow now act (as they think) a cow should; eating grass (which they can survive on), meowing (they don't know that cows don't meow, they moow), and generally copy the other cows in the area. The more dangerous of these Gitz affected are impersonating dangerous animals or beings, and they could pose a real threat to the unsuspecting countryside.

The pcs could be captured by a large goblinoid band and 'convinced' to help free the crazed gobbos by giving them a 'healinz' mold, or perhaps they are forced to come up with an antidote all by themselves. Another idea is just to put a bunch of lunatic gobbos in the background of another adventure... this is sure to confuse the pcs!

Okay, Gitz are just comedy relief... use or ignore them at your leisure.

Chris Clements

"Vale, mi amice."